Don't Let Me Fall
by Demelza
Summary: Elisa confides in Matt that her relationship with Goliath has ended.


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Title: Waiting for Tomorrow #02 - Don't Let Me Fall  
**Author:** Quantara  
**Email:** quantara@nzoomail.com  
**Written:** July 28 2002  
**Disclaimer:** Gargoyles does not in any way whatsoever belong to me. It belongs to Walt Disney Productions and/or Buena Vista, and all other parties that own it. No infringements of these copyrights are intended, and are used here without permission. All original characters are the property of the author.  
**Spoilers: **Hunters Moon pt 3.  
**Category: **Elisa & Matt, romance  
**Warning: **PG (for some language)  
**Summary: **Elisa confides in Matt that her relationship with Goliath has ended.  
**Author's Notes: **Set in December, 2001. This IS NOT an Elisa and Goliath shipper fic, far from it...it is in fact the first part of the Gargoyles side of my crossover series with Third Watch, 'Waiting for Tomorrow'. Please do not presume to think otherwise. :D  
**Author's Notes 2: **This is a PRO Elisa and Matt fan fic, if you can't open your mind to this wonderful duo and the possible romantic relationship between them, please do not proceed in reading this story. If you are a serious Elisa and Goliath shipper, or whatever it is that makes you not like the idea of this couple, and you decide to read this fan fic, please read it with an open mind. Thank you. :)  
**Author's Notes 3: **The first part of this story, 'Arms of the Angels', is written for NBC's Third Watch, and can be found... here: http://demelza.hostme.co.nz/wft1.html

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December 5th 2001  
Some time after 6am

Detective Elisa Maza leant her back up against her locker at the end of another twelve-hour shift. Directly across from her, Matt Bluestone, her partner of some eight years now, was unbuttoning his shirt, facing her. She let out a sigh and he looked up and met her gaze. "If we never have to deal with another drug bust, I'll be happy," she said quietly, her voice clearly showing her exhaustion.

Matt smiled faintly, "Hopefully it'll be the last one for a good while," he replied, dropping his shirt down his arms and tossing it onto the bench, before proceeding to remove the vest he wore.

"I doubt that," Elisa said as she yawned, brushing back strands of her long dark hair.

He looked back at her sympathetically after placing his vest into his locker. "We could all use a couple months sleep, that's for sure."

She smiled slightly at the idea. "Or at least get some rejuvenating sleep like the clan."

He nodded, running his hand tiredly through his red hair that had gotten longer in the past months. "Thinking of the clan, when was the last time you saw them?" He asked, sitting down on the bench in front of her. He looked up, waiting for an answer as he watched her staring up at the roof of the locker rooms. "Elisa?"

Slowly, Elisa lowered her head and met Matt's gaze. She honest to God couldn't remember the last time she'd visited the 'clan'. Ever since the attacks...things had changed so much. She had spent most of her time in the weeks after the attacks helping at Ground Zero with their rescue attempts. And since then, well...she shook her head, "I don't remember," she admitted silently, more than a hint of regret in her tone.

"I'm sure they understand," Matt tried to reassure her, but the look on her face told him there was something more on her mind. Something she wasn't telling him. "Wanna talk about it?"

She looked at him for a long moment, then shook her head, shrugging slightly as she pushed herself away from her locker and turned around so her back was toward him. "No. I just want to go home and catch a ball game before I hit the sack," she told him, yawning again as she began unzipping her jacket.

He stared up at her, knowing something was wrong. "Elisa, come on...I know you better than this...please, talk to me," he said, standing up behind her.

About to remove her jacket, Elisa paused, lowering her hands to her sides. "I saw him...the other night..." she quietly confided in him, letting out a low, shuddered breath. "We talked, and...it's over between us..."

Matt looked at her, shocked. "What?"

"I...I told him I couldn't be with him...not after...everything...it just..." she slowly turned to him, tears streaming down both cheeks.

"Hey, it's okay..." He told her, stepping up and holding her in his arms.

"No, you don't understand, Matt..." she pulled back slightly, looking up at him. "I was so cruel...I'd been looking for a reason for the last couple of years...I still love him, and I always will...but, he deserves to be with his own kind. I knew that, after the clans from Japan and the Amazon came to live here. I wanted to see the clan strive, if we...had of stayed together...what chances would there have been of that happening?"

"That doesn't make you a cruel person, it means you cared that much, that you put your own feelings for him aside so he could be with others of his own kind..." Matt replied. He brushed some hair that sat in front of her eyes, back behind her ear and gently framed her face in his hand. "You did what you thought was the right thing to do."

She swallowed, sniffing again as more tears forced their way to the surface. "He hates me...Matt."

"No, he doesn't..." he told her, lifting her face to look up at him. "Why would he hate you? You didn't do it for your own selfish reasons; you did it for him. For the clan."

Elisa looked up at him, her eyes stinging from the tears, "I love him, so much..."

"I know, partner, I know," he said softly to her, pulling her close to him again, his hand gently resting on the back of her head as he placed a kiss on her forehead. Willingly, she cried in his arms, each sob coming after the other.

They must have stood there for a long time, when the door to the lockers opened and Captain Maria Chavez walked round to where they were. She looked between them both as they pulled apart, Elisa silently thanking Matt, while he stepped over the bench and proceeded to put his shirt back on again. She waited a moment, maybe for an explanation, or something. Getting none, she cleared her throat to get both officers' attention. "I thought I sent you two home over a half hour ago?"

Elisa looked sideways at Matt, surprise in her eyes at how long she'd spent crying in his arms. She looked back at the captain. "Matt and I were just..."

"I think I'm aware of what's going on..." Chavez replied, disinterest and anger in her tone. "I want you both to know I won't tolerate relationships between officers under my supervision."

"What!?" Matt and Elisa both exclaimed. "We're not..." "I swear..."

"I don't care. Put a stop to it, or one of you will be transferred out of here, am I understood?" Getting no reply, other than shocked looks, the Captain turned around and headed back out of the locker room.

The moment the door closed, Elisa and Matt both looked sideways at each other.

"What the hell was that?" Elisa asked, Matt just shrugged. "I ah...thank you, Matt...for, before..."

He smiled warmly. "Any time. If you ever want to talk, here or after work, just give me a call, okay?" He asked, buttoning up his shirt.

She nodded. "I will, thanks," she smiled back, before turning to her own locker and removing her jacket before she took off her gun holster, then vest. After putting the vest into her locker, Elisa slipped her holster back on, simultaneously closing her locker at the same time. She locked it, and went to pick up her jacket when she turned and saw Matt sitting on the bench, his back to her as he stared into his locker.

A sad feeling came over her and Elisa back handedly wiped the remnants of tears from before from her eyes and face while she sat down beside him. "You miss her..." she said, her voice faint as she followed his line of sight and saw a picture of a beautiful Hispanic woman taped to the inside of his locker. His late girlfriend. She'd died in the September 11th attacks, Elisa remembered painfully. A patrol officer from the Two-Oh. Seven months on the force, and her life taken tragically, like the many others in the New York Police, Fire and EMS departments.

Elisa swallowed hard, remembering vividly when it finally hit Matt that she was gone from him forever. He'd punched and kicked his locker, screaming out 'God no! Why, damn it!? WHY!?!?'

She grimaced as the same pain settled in her own chest at watching her partner's grief overwhelm him those weeks after the attacks. She'd held her own share of grief deep inside her, wanting like hell to set it free, but turned to no one as she held it all in. She went to open her mouth and speak again, say something else, something other than what she had. But nothing came.

"Yeah..." Matt replied after a few silent minutes.

She watched painfully as he then looked down at his hands. The physical scars from all the cuts he'd gotten helping that day so clearly visible. He looked up again, gazing at Lydia's picture for a long moment, before he turned to her. 

"I'm so sorry, Matt..." Elisa could hear her own voice scratching as she spoke.

"Not your fault," he told her, pain in his voice.

"No, but, I went on about me and...when you..."

He smiled faintly, "Don't, it's okay."

Elisa nodded.

They were silent for a few moments, holding each other in their eyes, when she looked away. "I better get going," she told him, silently. "See you tomorrow?" She asked, not looking at him as she zipped up her jacket.

Silence.

"Yeah, okay."

She nodded again, and had just pushed herself off the bench slightly when Matt touched her arm and she sat back down, turning to face him. 

"You...want to go get a drink?" He asked, she slowly nodded before rising to her feet again.

* * *

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24 Hour Diner  
Sometime later

"It takes a while, but it does stop hurting..." Matt told Elisa, before taking a sip of his coffee. Still too hot, he set it back down in front of him.

Elisa looked at him from the other side of the booth they sat in. "I don't think it ever will," she replied, looking down at her own mug of coffee that sat between her hands.

Matt reached over the table and gently placed his hands over hers. "Why don't you tell him your reasons then?" He softly asked.

She blinked, a sole tear streaming down her face as she looked up at him once more. "Because I'm so scared he'll hate me even more than I know he does..." she replied, trying with every part of her not to cry.

He lifted his hand and wiped the tear from her chin, before placing his hand back over hers. "He doesn't hate you, Elisa...I know Goliath, and he'd never hate you."

Elisa looked at him for a long moment, before she gently shook her head. "You didn't see the look in his eyes after I told him it was over."

"That doesn't mean he hates you...you...you need to talk to him."

She hesitantly nodded, knowing he was right. "Not now, though...we need..."

"Space?" Matt asked, again she nodded. "That's a good idea...but what about Christmas? How will you cope?"

Elisa back handedly wiped fresh tears from her eyes. "I'll just put in for extra hours, keep busy. He...they'll understand. I hope."

"I'm sure they will."

She let out a sigh. "I just...wish it was easier..." she told him in a low voice, her gaze falling to her still full mug of coffee. "Wish there was something...anything..."

"I know," Matt replied, his own voice low as he gently squeezed her hand.

Elisa looked up at him, watching as he tried to force a smile. "I'm sorry...I'm doing it again..." she apologized, wishing that she'd shut her mouth already about her own problems and for once let Matt talk about something he wanted to.

"It's okay, talking helps," he said back, squeezing her hand again.

"Maybe..." she said, her voice barely audible as she looked at the coffee in front of her. She was almost lost in watching the white streak from the milk in the coffee when Matt gently squeezed her hand again. She looked up at him, and in that moment she met his cool gray eyes and her heart sunk. Her face crumpled, and she started crying again, this time pulling her hands away from his as she covered her face, apologizing for crying like she was.

Matt got up from where he sat and moved around to her side and sat down beside her. He put his arms around her as she pressed her face to his chest and sobbed. "It's okay, Elisa...it's okay..." he gently consoled her, kissing the top of her head.

"It's not..." Elisa cried, gripping his shirt. "I just want it to stop hurting..."

He stared out across the street, not at anything in particular, but just stared as he wondered what he could do to make the pain was she was feeling to go away. Matt closed his eyes, holding her ever closer in his arms. "I know, Elisa...and it will...I promise it will..."

Elisa cried in his arm for what seemed like ages, but was only a few more minutes, when she pulled back, though still in Matt's arms, and looked up at him. She swallowed, and gently shook her head. "It won't stop...not ever..."

Matt touched the side of her face, wiping the tears away with his thumb. "It will...it has to..."

"Since when?" She asked, swallowing more tears. "I love him, Matt...more than...more than I've ever loved anyone...and that pain won't go away! Not ever..." she whispered, taking in a deep breath and letting it out as she tried to will herself not to cry.

He wiped away another tear as it streamed down her cheek. He didn't say anything else as he guided her back into his arms and held her close to him.

They sat at the booth in each others arms as the hours passed by, everything and everyone around them seeming like they were zooming past at in blurred motion. They were two souls trapped in sorrow and pain as they sat there, no one but them in the world as hours passed by around them like seconds. It wasn't until later, when the diner's owner came up and asked if they'd like some lunch, that the pair had realized how long they had been sitting in each others arms.

Elisa looked up into Matt's eyes, she hadn't realized she had been crying for so long. But he still was there, comforting her. "You want another coffee?" Came his gentle voice as he brushed some fallen hair back behind her ear, asking as if knowing she couldn't eat anything, even if she tried. She nodded, before laying her head back down on his shoulder. "We'll have two more coffees, thanks." He told the woman. She nodded, before walking away. She returned a few quiet moments later and set the coffees down in front of them.

No sooner had the woman left again, Elisa reluctantly sat up straight, wiping her face with the back of her hand. "I'm so sorry, Matt..." she apologized, sniffing. "I must look like a complete mess."

"You're fine," Matt assured her, tucking another loose strand of hair behind her ear. "You feeling any better though?"

"A little," she confessed, but soon gently shook her head. "Not really...but I will, eventually..." she looked up at him, sniffing again. "Thank you, though, for being here for me..."

"Any time," he promised, his hand still gently framing her face. Their eyes locked for a long moment, when he slowly lowered his hand and she looked down at her coffee.

"I don't think I can drive home..." Elisa quietly said after a silent moment, her hands shaking.

"I can, if you want? I'll get a cab back to my place."

"I'd...really appreciate it...if you don't mind..." she replied, turning and looking up at him.

He smiled warmly, "You know I don't."

"Thank you," she half smiled back, before yawning again.

* * *

****

Later, in the car outside Elisa's apartment building  


"You still going to watch a game?" Matt quietly asked, removing the seatbelt as he turned around behind the steering wheel where he sat to look at Elisa.

"I was, uh...actually thinking, maybe we could...together. I don't much feel like sleeping, or being alone..."

"Sure," he said back. "I'd love to."

After getting out of the red Ford Fairlane and locking it up. They both made their way up to the top floor of the building, stopping at Elisa's door as she unlocked it and they went inside. Matt lingered in the entrance way, while Elisa removed her jacket and gun holster, before hanging them on the coat rack. She went through to the kitchen while Matt removed his own jacket and hung it on the rack, too.

"You want anything to eat?" She offered, calling out as she gathered a bowl and two large bags of potato crisps from the cupboard. "What about some chips for the game?"

"I'm all right, thanks..." Matt replied, stepping through to the spacious living area. He walked down the two steps that led to the area where the sofa and TV set were situated. "Though, chips actually sound great...and a cold beer, if you've got one."

When Elisa came out of the kitchen a moment later, large bowl of chips in one arm, two cold beers in her other hand, she found Matt already relaxed on the sofa.

"Hope you don't mind," he said as she walked around the coffee table and sat down beside him.

She set the three items down on the small glass coffee table, sighing lightly. "No, you're fine," she smiled over her shoulder at him. She reclined against the back of the sofa, but couldn't get herself as comfortable as she wanted, when she felt Matt slip his arm around her shoulder and guide her so that she was lying against his side.

"How's that?" He asked, his tone gentle as he instinctively pulled her closer to him.

"That's great," Elisa replied, sighing as she turned over to her right and put her arm around his stomach. "This is better, though..." she smiled.

Kissing her on the head, Matt then picked up the remote from at his side and turned on the tv. The next half hour of football seemed to come and go fast, as did the bowl of chips and at least half each of their beers. The game ended on 23-14, and he switched the box off.

Elisa didn't move away from him, instead she felt herself relaxing even more as they sat there in each other's arms, like they had done in the diner. "I could stay like this forever," she said, her voice very low. "In your arms, never letting go..." she added, her head resting on his shoulder.

"Me too," Matt replied, gently caressing her shoulder, with his arm still around her.

Silence.

"I've missed this..." she said after a moment.

He swallowed, "What's that?"

"Being in a man's arms, him holding me close to him...."

Again, he swallowed, this time harder. "Elisa..."

"Sorry," she apologized, sighing.

"Maybe, I ah...should go..."

She pulled away, though still in his arms and looked him in the face. "Please, don't go."

"I can't stay," he replied, his voice scratching.

"I want you to..."

"No, you don't...you're upset...you don't know what you really want."

Elisa was silent, still looking at him. "I want you to stay, please, Matt..."

He shook his head. "You don't."

Before he could say anything else, Elisa pressed her lips to his. He went to move away, when she gripped his shirt and pulled him closer to her, parting her lips slightly over his as she kissed him again. This time, he didn't pull away, and the kiss lasted longer.

Their lips finally parted, and Elisa slowly opened her eyes, mentally preparing for the look of disgust she'd find on Matt's face. 'He's going to hate you, too...' But as her eyes opened, she didn't see anger or disgust, just surprise and a look she knew so well that meant, 'We can't be doing this.' "I'm...so sorry..." she whispered, watching as he looked away from her for a long moment, before slowly turning back to her again. She waited, watching the look in his eyes, expecting him to stand up angrily and tell her she had no rights kissing him. But he didn't. He just stared back at her. "Say something...please..." Elisa asked after a moment, her voice a soft whisper.

Matt touched her face with his right and, and gently leant over and placed a kiss against her forehead. "You mean too much to me, for us to let anything happen..."

She instantly felt a sob creep up, but she suppressed it, swallowing hard. "Why?" She asked painfully.

"Because it's...we just can't let anything happen. I have to go, it's best if I do."

"No, please...don't go..." Elisa whispered, tears streaming down her face.

"I have to," he whispered back. He placed a kiss on her forehead once more, before standing up and made his way to the door, gathering his jacket on his way out of the apartment.

Elisa slammed hard against the sofa as she heard the door close, her heart clenching tight in her chest as more sobs rose to the surface. She stared across the room, her chest aching so badly, she cursed herself in her mind. "What the hell have I done?" She asked herself, voice filled with anger as she closed her eyes tight again, forcing out the tears that had welled up in the corner of her eyes. 

The end......to be continued real soon.


End file.
